Holiday Blog...

Well, I am way overdue to update my blog. What better time than after a holiday?

This year Lee and I decided to tour some northern Europe cities and then settle back in our 'second home', Germany.

First stop: Stockholm:

I am a complete stress case when travelling for more than a couple of days. Especially when my destination is quite close to home where the weather is unpredictable. Should I pack a long sleeve shirt, I'd better take a jacket if it gets colder at night, hat if its hot, umbrella if its cold. Coupled with my rather over active work travel schedule, I have to try to fit in washing some clothes to prepare for the holiday too. Needless to say, I decided this year to start early and I picked out some clothes early during the week before and made sure I was better prepared to avoid the stressed state I inevitably get into immediately prior to travelling.

As it happened, I was stressed but not because I had forgotten to wash the clothes I needed or left my umbrella at work or forgot to check the train times to the airport. I was stressed because...wait for it...I had nothing to be stressed about! I was actually worried that everything seemed to be prepared. We were packed and ready to go to the rail station with plenty of time to spare. There must be something???

So off we headed to Cambridge Station. The direct train to Stansted airport often gets cancelled so I predicted that this would be the fate to await us. We got to Cambridge Station and lo and behold....erm...the train is on-time. Hmm, something must go wrong, why am I so pessimistic?

We arrived at Stansted in very good time, but phew, it was extremely busy. Stansted used to be such a pleasant airport to travel through, now it is hell! Low-cost airlines coupled with the widening number of European destinations being served has attracted hundreds of thousands of extra passengers travelling through this airport. That is fine, but it means you need much more space to handle everyone and you need to employ efficient staff who have excellent customer service skills. Unfortunately, in my view, Stansted cannot handle the volumes now passing through and the training offered to the staff working at the various business, restaurants, airlines, security etc, appears to be abyssmal. I have some examples.

After the very long queue at check-in, we had enough time to have some lunch after we passed through security into Departures. We decided to go to Frankie & Benny's. Usually a reasonable price and whilst the menu offers barely more choice than offered in motorway service stations, it is usually better quality. Firstly we were greeted by the waiter, who made little or no eye contact, didn't smile and basically pointed out a table to us rather than escort us to it. Ok, I guess it is a busy day for him. When we sat down, I noticed at least five four-seat tables which had not been cleared, and a growing queue of customers waiting to be shown to a table. Not enough staff on duty, doh! Then , when I looked to the floor, I saw food droppings, cutlery, used napkins and even menus littering the fooor at various places in the restaurant. I witnessed at least four different members of staff completely walk round or over this litter, not bothering to pick it up. Meanwhile they then ran out of forks when they delivered my food - erm, not surprising since cutlery was still on the floor when it could have been coming out of the dishwasher. The queue was lengthening, but I also saw a number of people give-up and leave the queue - all this time the same uncleared tables remained unused.

This is inefficiency and lack of planning at it most depressing. Frankie & Bennys lost trade that day, and probably every day, due to lack of staff, lack of training and poor planning.

I make a conscious effort to smile at shop assistants, waiters, bar staff etc. I believe that if I smile, they maybe feel a greater desire to offer me excellent customer service. It means I'm so much more likely to come back again, right? I believe that when I don't get a smile back those people are either so miserable in their jobs or they have not been trained. I know we all have a bad day from time to time, but if you work in a customer facing job you need to rise above your mood and at least pretend you are there to help, and smile.

Having said that, some people are so badly treated in their jobs I guess it is no wonder it gets to them. Here I blame their managers. Some so-called managers couldn't manage a piss-up in a brewery.

We haven't even boarded the plane to Stockholm yet. Well, we did and arrived in Skavsta airport in the late afternoon. Bus journey to Stockolm city, an extortionately expensive taxi to the hotel (minimum charge approx GBP 10.00 for about 1 kilometre) and at last, a new city to explore....

Agony Aunt and Relationships

It seems my boyfriend is becoming an agony aunt. On two occasions in the last week Lee has handled phone calls from two different british friends of ours, both of whom have a relationship with Asian partners.

In one case, there has been a great deal of volatility in the relationship, at least based on what each of the partners has told us independently, during the time we have known them (three years or so). In the other case, the relationship is still in its early stages and the Asian partner is no longer in the UK. That brings its own challenges.

So without wishing to discuss the individual cases any further than that, it does make me wonder at a general level what makes a good relationship work? In looking at this it would be easy to view my own relationship with Lee as the perfect example. After all, we've been together for over eleven years, with no major disputes or disagreements. Nevertheless, our relationship has survived the scrutiny of the immigration rules (whilst Lee was here on student visa), my separation from my wife and leaving the family home. It has endured balancing my responsibilities to my children and ex-wife whilst developing a new lifestyle with Lee. We had to suffer house moves, unemployment and work related stress. Consider also the lifestyle choices Lee and I have made and the nature of our relationship - which exposes it to threats, jealousies and temptations much more voluntarily than most - and one could consider it an indestructible relationship, close to perfect.

It isn't, of course. I'd need convincing such a perfect, indestructible relationship exists. I'm interested to know what the magic ingredients are - in our relationship we have tolerance and balance to account for each others feelings and viewpoints. It helps that Lee and I share the same political views. We have a lot in common, but we come from entirely different cultures and religious backgrounds. By the way, in case you are wondering, I see no need to mention the 'love' word - its a given in any serious relationship.

We do have disagreements, we do sulk and seek attention from each other and we do wonder why one of us has behaved in a certain way from time to time. But that is the variety of life and we have to accept and understand these out-of-character moments. If we start to question these minor things too heavily, we run the risk of escalating something small and meaningless into a relationship-threatening event.

The key point to remember is that all relationships are different and what works for one may not work for another. Some relationships are driven by conflict and argument. My own parents were constantly bickering at each other - but they loved each other and would not have wanted to be with anyone else. Other relationships survive with lies and deceit at their core - rarely surviving and usually self-destructing, I have witnessed such a relationship for years and the people concerned are still together but spend their married lives avoiding each other.

That is what makes the 'Agony Aunt' job so difficult. Like Lee, I'm more than happy to offer sympathy and support to friends going through a relationship crisis, but that support stops at getting involved or taking sides. I'll keep my own thoughts to myself, because no-one knows what is happening within a relationship = the fine detail When my brother and his wife were going through marital difficulties a few years ago, I thought my brother's behaviour was unreasonable and my sister-in-law should not put up with it. But I never told either of them that. I didn't want their relationship to end because I love them both and I've shared some very happy times with both of them and their family, but I couldn't know what was really going on, every day, in their relationship. I was happy to listen to both sides of the story but I never told either one of them that the other was behaving badly or unreasonable - even if I thought it. When I heard the stories, my views changed depending on who I was talking to. It made me realise that only they could come to the decision that was right for them, and that I would be there to build new relationships with both of them if they decided to part (which they did).

Lee is also very careful how he deals with the agony stories he hears. He also gets to hear both sides and it is refreshing to hear him giving our friends support - listening is underated.

I do sometimes wonder, however, what people are looking for in a relationship. I think it is important not to focus on the "relationship" word. It is much more important to enjoy each other's company, take one step at a time and not have hang-ups about being a "boyfriend" or "girlfiend", "fiance", "husband", "wife", even "partner". I dont see how those labels matter as long as the relationship is developing.

There is no "one size fits all" relationship. They are all different and work - or not - for different reasons. We shouldn't compare ourselves or our relationships with those of others or try to aim for something someone else has got.

Lee and I have gotten to where we are - which is a super place - by giving our relationship the freedom to evolve. And every day it evolves more.....

Happy New Year!

We have just returned from a short hop over the water to France, Lille to be precise. We had to get back to UK today ready for the New Year celebrations with some friends in London.

This was our third visit to Lille but the first time we stayed overnight and enjoyed the nightlife. Thanks to Lee's friend, Wan, a student in Lille, we found our way to the gay bars in Lille. Luckily they are close together! I must say the bar Vice Versa was a good place to be. The ambience was good and the barmen cute and friendly. I took the opportunity to sample a few beers and a very strong but tasty Rum cocktail (can't remember what it was called - it was crushed lemon pieces with a couple of spoonfuls of brown sugar, mixed with crushed ice and Havana Rum pured over the top...yum...and hic!

We took a walk around the town centre this morning before setting off to the Eurotunnel for our return to the UK. We had an excellent journey back to Coquelles but then.....queues at the Eurtunnel check-in. It looked chaotic, with cars reversing back from the check-in lanes to change to other lanes. Then, some lanes started closing. So I stepped out of the car to ask someone what was happening. Apparently a problem with the computers! A-la-Little Britain: "Computer Says No!" Grrrrr!!!!



Luckily we managed to get in a lane which was moving, albeit slowly, and we made our timed departure. But I also went through hell trying to get back to the UK from Hamburg during the week before Christmas - the 'foggy Heathrow' week. So I am more determined I want to live on the Continent! It is so bloody hard to get in and out of the UK. Generally speaking, I am beginning to wonder why anyone wants to live here, its cold, wet, expensive and has the most awful public transport (dirty, expensive, unco-ordinated and unreliable). Well, I suppose there are some good points; to give a more balanced view I promise I'll try to think of some!

Well now to think about my true New Year resolutions. I have a few in mind but will carefully select the ones I really want to concentrate on. One in the list is to update my blog at least weekly, or should that be 'weakly' ? I wonder if it will make it to my final declared resolutions?

All that remains is for me to say Happy New Year to anyone who takes the time to read this!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Quiet Weekend...by comparison

This weekend we didn't go very far, well London on Saturday but that is only an hour or so from us. But no European travel and no pre-planned events to go to.

It was a much needed 'gentle' weekend. Although I am feeling better, I am still suffering with a nasty chesty cough and I still feel tension in my neck muscles. What I need is a good massage from a gorgeous looking masseur...mmmmm. Lee perhaps?

On Friday Lee and I went to the Fleur de Lys and the Rose and Crown in Cambridge. We met up with some of our Cambridge friends. Matt, Alfonso, Tristan, Pete, John, Ali plus others. I wasn't drinking heavily because I was still feeling quite delicate following my illness. It was noticeable that there was a different crowd hanging around in the Rose and Crown. In fact, it seemed as though there were a lot of people who may have been trading drugs. I can't make that accusation, because I didn't witness anything with my own eyes, but there was a strange atmosphere and one of our mates told me he had been offered drugs on a previous visit. That is worrying - it seems so easy to obtain drugs. It makes me worry about my own children and the influences they are under when they go out just to a pub (not even a night club in a large inner city!).

What is this world coming to? It must be my age...I can't believe I'm saying that !

On Saturday Lee and I went to London, relaxed in the sauna and then wandered around Soho and grabbed something to eat.

Sunday was a relaxing day on the sofa. I cooked a roast dinner and then Lee and I watched the 1980's movie 'Beaches' starring Bette Midler. A sad ending, brought a tear to my eye. It must again be an age thing, I no longer feel immortal. We can be taken from this world at any time, so it is important to show and say how we feel to those we love. This is especially relevant to me. My father died in a motor accident in 1989. I never told him I loved him, and in the end I never got the chance. It stays with me for the rest of my life.

Anyway. I'm travelling again, away from my loved ones. But I'm thinking about all those important to me as I travel around.

Miss you Lee! xxx

Birthday in Sicily! Buon Compleanno!

Going against my doctors orders, at the last minute on Friday I decided to go to Sicily as planned. Lee was delighted, of course, but it wasn't his sulks or strops which made up my mind. I had been taking the painkillers prescribed for my headache and these were working. I was feeling well enough to travel, even if it meant taking it easy whilst in Italy. The final deciding factor was a telephone call from a good friend and colleague from my Manchester workplace. She told me to go "f**k it, you only live once!" were her last words on the subject!

So off we went in a bit of a dash and arrived in Palermo late on Friday night. The hotel (Regina) is on the older side of town, about 15 minutes walk from the Central Station. We walked it, and saved ourselves €15 in taxi fares! When we arrived we climbed an old, formerly grand, stone staircase to the hotel reception. So far, this place looked like it needed a fair bit of renovation! The old man, speaking only Italian, took our money and then showed us and a couple of Australian girls who I recognised from our RyanAir fligh, to our respective rooms. He pressed the button to light up the next staircase, but nothing happened - oh dear, we'll stumble our way to the next floor then! We then passed through a secure door and my, suddenly we were in a bight, modern corridor leading to our bedrooms! Although the rooms consisted only of a bed, wardrobe and bedside tables and lamps, suddenly this place was looking like a bargain for the money! The rooms were clean and comfortable, if basic. But who cares about basic when you are paying less than €60/night (incl breakfast).

Next morning was a glorious day with blue skies, bright sunshine and warm temperatures. Lee and I walked to the port in the morning and along the waters edge where we saw some fishermen on the waterfront and on the green park nearby young men playing football. We then walked around the Kalsa area of town. This is the oldest part of Palermo and although many of the buildings are in dire need of renovation this doesn't entirely take away from the character and history you see in the walls of everything around you. As we wandered around, passing through narrow streets dodging the frequent motorcycles and little cars zipping through, we saw children playing football on the hard cobblestones, some sitting idly on the doorstep letting the day pass by with the unhurried innocence of youth protecting them from the frantic complexities of the world around them. As you look down the little narrow streets where some of Palermo's poorer families are living, you see wet laundry hanging from windows and balconies above, clean drips of water falling to the cobbled paving below as gentle wafts of the sweet smell of freshly washed laundry provides a welcome relief from the underlying stench of the sewers below.

In the afternoon, we went to the Catacombs. This was, for me, an uncomfortable experience and something I had not witnessed in my life before. It wasn't that it was particularly scary to see hundreds of dead bodies, some smartly dressed, hanging from the walls or in open or windowed coffins, and all in various states of preservation or decay. No, it was more that I felt I was intruding on their privacy. Here we were, wandering around an open graveyard! I do feel it is a private matter when one has passed to decay in the privacy of your own, closed, coffin! This might even sound a little flippant, but it isn't meant that way. I simply cannot understand why these people chose to put themselves on display (if indeed they did) as the shells of their bodies wither away in smart suits and dresses for all the world to behold. As their fingernails fall away and their hair decays to nothing more than a few wisps, the real person is long gone and leaves behind a decaying shell as a memory for the world. No thanks. Remember me for what I did or didn't do, please, not for what I look like 200 years after I'm dead. Anyway, I don't regret going there, was an experience like nothing else.

On a more pleasant note, we met and made friends with some other people staying in the hotel Regina. I mentioned the Aussie girls, who live in London. Also we met some American students who are currently studying in Milan and were also visiting Sicily for the weekend together with a Canadian student. All very friendly people (save one incident I'll talk about later).

More to come from both Lee and me....meanwhile many thanks to everyone wishing me a Happy Birthday and your wishes for my good health, I appreciate it!

Feeling Unwell

I woke up yesterday morning with a bit of a headache. I drove Lee to work and decided to work from home so I could take a small sleep if I needed to. By the time I got home, I was feeling tired so I decided to lie down on the bed. As the day went on, the headache became worse and I felt feverish.

I still have the headache today, so its time to seek medical help. The trouble with the internet is that you can find out anything and everything and usually more than you really need. When I looked on the NHS Direct website, I felt I was suffering with everything I searched, from a common cold to pneunomia and even meningitis.

I made an appointment at the doctors. She told me I have a tension headache and that I am most likely heading for a viral infection as well. The headache is not going away because I am tensing-up and that is keeping the pain going. The pain is causing me to tense-up, so it is a viscious circle.

I told the doctor I am travelling to Sicily this weekend for my birthday - guess what? She recommends we don't go as I need to rest :-(

Anyway, she has given me some strong Ibuprofen to relieve the headache, which should mean I relax and then the tension goes away.

What a birthday! I'm sick!

Hamburg - Work and Pleasure

I left my home on Thursday morning very early to take the 6:25 RyanAir flight from Stansted to Luebeck. Luebeck is a small airport approx. 70 km from Hamburg and normally a one hour bus ride to Hamburg centre. Because my flight was so cheap (just 36 GBpounds) I decided to take a taxi to the office in Hamburg where I have been working Thursday and Friday. The taxi is €85, but together with the flight cost it is still much cheaper and more convenient than flying from Heathrow or Gatwick to Hamburg airport. (The BA flight was 180 GBpounds and Lufthansa even more expensive!). Heathrow is at least 90 minutes drive from Cambridge but Stansted just 25 minutes, so it was a no-brainer this time.

I've been working hard the past couple of days and now I'm staying on in Hamburg for the weekend, heading back to UK Sunday evening - also using RyanAir. I have had some pretty bad experiences flying with RyanAir this year and it is usually on the return flight as they are the end-of-day flights subject to the delays occuring earlier in the day. I am hoping Sunday's flight will go ahead without problems as I have to work early on Monday morning. I'll tell about the RyanAir horror stories some other time.

Lee flew out to join me here in Hamburg last night and we went to a club and then a late bar. We met up with a friend we have met here before, Mark, who obviously fancies Lee. he asked me "Why haven't you married him yet? If you don't marry Lee tomorrow, I will!"

So a quick word on this....marriage or to be more precise, Civil Partnership, is an important step and for sure Lee and I will do it sometime quite soon. It has only been less than one year that same-sex partners are recognised under the law in the UK. Lee and I did not want to rush out and do this just because we could, although we realise and celebrate this change in the law as an important step for equality between hetero and homosexual couples . More about this subject, and how it will influence Lee and me, another time.

Tonight (Saturday) we are preparing to go to the gay bars in the Lange Raihe and then on to PIT ( a gay disco/club) and Daniels bar - apparently it never closes!